This pandemic has been a challenging adjustment for all of us, but especially to those of us of a certain age who are trying to navigate loneliness. Being in isolation over the last nine plus months has made us vulnerable to the negative impact a lack of social connection can have on the aging process. The good news is, as older adults, we do have some control over both the effects of isolation and the decline associated with aging.
Unfortunately, most of us still hold negative views of growing older that keep us from optimizing our chances for a healthy and productive second half of life. But we don’t need to hold ourselves back! If you are someone who sees the glass as half-empty as you age, hopefully I can change your thinking.
There are three important things I want you to know about aging:
1. Aging is not all loss and decline.
Research has shown primary mental abilities do not decline before age 60, and marked decline doesn’t begin to occur until sometime after age 80. Significant improvements occur in certain personality traits such as agreeableness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability, while extroversion and openness to experience remain intact as we age. We also experience higher levels of emotional well-being, life satisfaction, and an influx of positive emotions in comparison to younger adults. So we may be getting older, but we are definitely getting better in many ways!
2. You have more control over the aging process than you think.
Lifestyle factors (diet, exercise, sleep hygiene, social connection) and behavior account for more variance in health and psychological outcomes than genetics do. Regular physical activity impacts cardiovascular, respiratory, musculoskeletal health, resistance to Type 2 diabetes and cancer, plus mood and cognitive function. Engaging in cognitively demanding and novel activities enhance memory and cognitive ability (yes to AARP games!). These lifestyle factors impact not only how your body functions, but also how your brain functions.
3. Age-related losses can be reversible.
Loss of muscle mass and bone density (osteoporosis, sarcopenia, etc.) are age-related and progressive when combined with inactivity, inadequate nutrition, and physiological changes. These can increase the risk of falls and fractures that can have the potential to hinder mobility. We know, however, that appropriate levels of Vitamin D, as well as resistance and strength training, can help reverse these losses.
Likewise, engaging in cognitively stimulating activities that are novel and complex can reverse age-related decline, or at very least, help maintain the current level of cognitive functioning.
Aging and the Importance of Social Connection
When we have a negative view of aging, and when that negative outlook impacts our mood, we tend to withdraw from others. If there’s anything the COVID-19 pandemic has taught us, it’s that withdrawal and isolation causes loneliness. Because we humans are social beings who don’t do well when cut off from social contact, social connections keep us healthy and stave off loneliness.
Loneliness is a universal human experience and, although the word means different things to different people, it has very real consequences on mental and physical health. Scientists have been researching loneliness, and Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad is at the forefront. She is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University who wondered, “Is it loneliness specifically or is it people becoming more socially disconnected in a variety of ways?” While a feeling of loneliness is subjective, there are more quantifiable factors bearing on it:
Census data on living alone
Declining marriage rates
Increasing childlessness
Amount of TV watched
Use of internet, cell phone data, etc.
To get some answers to her question, Holt-Lunstad co-authored a landmark study that looked at three groups of people who might be seen as lacking sufficient social connections:
Those socially isolated from others
Those who described themselves as very lonely
Those who lived alone.
The researchers pooled evidence collected from 70 studies that followed a total of 3.4 million participants for an average of 7 years and came to a startling conclusion: Each of these groups faced roughly the same increased risk of early death (29%, 26%, 32% respectively). It didn’t matter whether the participants were healthy at the time of the study. Those who were more socially connected lived longer.
Other research published by Dr. Steve Cole, professor of medicine, psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA School of Medicine, a genome researcher, found that if we are lonely, the cells in our body are in a constant state of alert that causes them to be chronically inflamed. These blood cells then feed this information to our brain cells, which results in the person feeling like something isn’t right, almost as if they are under attack. So they begin misreading social signals and react outwardly with irritability, suspiciousness, disinterest, and negative emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety. When other people are perceived as a threat, they are pushed away. Meeting new people or making new friends are not options for this lonely person. Of course, this leads to a vicious cycle of further isolation and loneliness.
So what can we do to combat this unhealthy and harmful cycle? Put simply, we need to be deliberate about finding ways to create connections that count.
How to Create Connections that Count
Some of the most creative ways to connect during the pandemic have come from my “older adult” clients. Some of my favorites are:
Socially distanced drinks in the driveway
Group knitting or crocheting on the porch
Lunchtime social circle in an empty parking lot
Meeting in the park on opposite ends of a picnic table or opposite benches
Virtual dance parties or storytime with grandkids
Daily riddle or joke contest between siblings via text
A few other ideas for creating meaningful connections are best done in person but can be adjusted to virtual during this time. So join a friend or two virtually as you:
Hold a walking or work-out challenge
Share recipes or nutrition tips
Join a book club
Join a special interest group
Visit a library, museum, gallery, or farm
Learn something new and challenging by taking a class
Try online gaming
Plan your next trip or event and ask others for tips and suggestions
Join or create a community garden
Join a church or other spiritual group
Volunteer in your community
I recently did an even deeper dive into loneliness research and elaborated more on some of these connection ideas during a session for Barclay Friends speaker series. You can watch the video at the link below.
Remember, your life as an older adult can really be the best years of your life. If you need additional support or resources on creating connections that count during this time, please reach out.