We as individuals tend to be our own worst critics.
For women, this self-criticism ties more deeply into the unconscious oppression we face, both from society and from people we love. Feedback we have received over the years, along with other people’s assessments of who we are and what we do, hold lasting power over us. We internalize those perceptions, letting them impact our own sense of identity.
Sometimes we come to believe what others think of us and allow it to control our lives. Maybe these perceptions motivate us, or maybe they derail our success by fostering feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt. Either way, sometimes we get so caught up “riding the wave” of the opinion of others, we never really stop to ask ourselves:
Is this who I am?
Is this who I want to be?
Am I genuinely happy?
An explosion of research on the science of self-compassion and its link to overall wellbeing has occurred over the last decade. This includes reductions in negative mind-states (e.g. anxiety, depression, stress, perfectionism, shame) and increases in positive mind-states like life satisfaction, happiness, connectedness, self-confidence, optimism, curiosity, and gratitude. Self-compassion has been linked with coping and resilience, motivation, personal accountability, health, and increased concern for others. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three basic components:
Self-Kindness: Treating ourselves with care and understanding instead of harsh judgment. We can appreciate and learn from our mistakes instead of falling victim to our harsh inner critic.
Common Humanity: Seeing our own experiences as part of a larger human experience. When we recognize that life is imperfect and we are too, we can work toward feeling less isolated and start to normalize our missteps.
Mindfulness: Sitting with our pain and allowing ourselves to feel it without suppressing the emotions or running away from our own experiences allows us to process, heal, and reach the other side.
Self-Compassion along the path of self-discovery often leads to surprising insights and a happier and more fulfilling life. For women, and the relationship we have with both ourselves and the world around us, self-compassion is particularly important. As we work toward wealth, status, and work-life balance society often tells us we cannot have, practicing our own self-compassion can combat that inner critic that rises up and limits our belief in the potential we have.
In a recent video, Dr. Delligatti revealed the challenges and societal messages she faced that sparked an unusual beginning to her career and ultimately led to what has become a life-long vocation of helping others. She discusses helping the “whole person,” along with the many hats women wear, and the work we do to earn respect in the workforce.
To discuss women, wealth, self-compassion, and unconscious oppression with Dr. Delligatti directly, contact her here.